Albus: Dad, I’m… gay.
Harry: Albus Severus Potter. You were named after two Headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was gay and he was the wisest man I’ve ever known.
Albus: Dad, you say this every time I tell you something. Stop. Just stop.
Albus: Dad, would you mind buying some conditioner? I think we’re out.
Harry: Albus Severus Potter. You were named for two Headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them never used conditioner and he was probably the greasiest man I ever knew.
Albus: Dad, this response is really getting old.
Harry: TWO HEADMASTERS.
Albus: Yes, I get it, two hea—
Harry: BRAVEST AND WISEST MEN.
Harry: THAT I EVER KNEW, BRAVEST AND WISEST, TWO OF THEM.
olympic gymnast: jumps 20 feet in the air, defies all laws of physics, does 10 backflips, defeats voldemort, comes back down and lands perfectly on the balance beam while fireworks go off in the background
me: falls on face trying to put socks on
imawanchor: today a 15 year old girl won a gold medal in the olympics and i woke up at half one in the afternoon and stayed sat in the same spot for 6 hours
postmix-lem0nade: lovesatimemachine: ...
richwhitelesbian: wetherz: ‘i like curvy girls’ = ‘i like girls with a flat tummy and massive arse and tits’ the da vinci code has been cracked
Batman: Hey I'm going to disappear for 8 years.
Bruce Wayne: Hey I'm going to disappear for 8 years.
People of Gotham: Shut up Bruce, we're trying to figure out who Batman is.
Batman: I'M BACK!
Bruce Wayne: ME TOO.
People of Gotham: NO ONE CARES BRUCE. WHO THE FUCK IS BATMAN?
me in 2009: I must like every single page on facebook
me in 2012: I must unlike every single page on facebook
w3zy: I hate the word homophobia. It is not a phobia. You are not scared. You are just an asshole.
ccolfer: wingaardiumlevi0sa: there were 7 billion pieces of biodegradable confetti, to represent each person in the world. out there, in London, in the Olympic Stadium, there is a piece of biodegradable confetti dedicated to me. #i hope mine fell in someone’s crotch